He has redeemed me

The photo below reminds of so many things.It was taken in 2013, at a SDASM camp :).

Before the camp,I never knew I was an introvert.The camp was nice but I honestly felt lonely although the were people around.My best friend was not there,so I felt rather sad.Even though I sat around people,listening to their conversations,I still felt lost.I wanted to talk about meaningful things,but how could I even strike up a conversation?

It was a difficult year.A year of insecurities.A year of feeling like I wasn't "enough".Taking pictures was the hardest thing.I still don't know why-didn't feel beautiful enough I guess.But I also didn't know that pictures were more about memories.

I only had one or two friends and I had difficulties interacting.I wished I was also "part of the group" of sisters,but I probably wouldn't fit in.

BUT as I look back, I should have made the most of it.I should have taken the initiative to get to know others in person,smiled more and cared more.Instead of worrying about what others thought of me,I should have cared more about their needs,well-being and more.

If only I had known how much I was loved by God.If only I had known my worth was not about how others viewed me,my achievements,I would've done a better job at being me.

BUT I'm also thankful,as I would've never known I'm an 'introvert"; I just thought I was weird.Some even said I was shy.I'm not sure if I'm purely an introvert and this is too limiting for me now that I look back.

But I'm grateful that I'm loved by God
That I'm learning to not be absorbed in emotions and in me;although it's difficult for me to not be absorbed in my thoughts-just love thinking,but now and  again I lift up my head.

I'm glad that God has redeemed me from the syndrome of caring about "what they think".He's also removing my fearfulness and insecurities.Now,I can laugh without being scared.I can be happy,without worrying about something bad happening.

I'm better,a better person.More rooted in Him.Learning to make Him my joy and tower of strength.