On Fatherhood

I came across a beautiful blogpost on fatherhood-it features  three people sharing their views on fatherhood .They also share about the type of relationship they have with their own fathers.....check it out here.

It brought a lot of memories,thoughts,and emotions-mainly concerning my relationship with my father.My father and I haven't always been close.Our relationship has been up and down,and for some time I was angry.I didn't understand why he couldn't be like other fathers;but my view on fatherhood wasn't even right.I thought of a father as one whose duty was to provide financially only.It's more.Fatherhood should be like how God is to us-chastening,loving,showing interest in us-intimate.So,it just got to a point where we operated on a level where I'd speak to him if I needed something,since he wasn't always there,etc.But to cut the story short:I learnt that I also have a role to play in our relationship.I also have to reach out and since then,he has been awesome-ALWAYS coming through for me at the right time.So,I'm really glad of the man is he is becoming.Not quite perfect,but thankful that it's better.

It's sad that most of us have never really experienced what having a father is;but I'm thankful that God is able to heal us-although sometimes you are not even aware of the damage caused until you reflect.

Below,I share some lessons I learnt from a book on fatherhood :).The post was shared on Facebook a while ago.

“It is not exaggeration to say that fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation.It is the engine driving our most social problems.”-Fath
erless America,David Blankenhorn

I came across two beautiful books today:Dad-the power and beauty of authentic fatherhood,by Craig Wilkison.The second book is titled Conversations with My Sons and Daughters by Mamphela Ramphele.I’ve only started reading the first one and I could not put it down.
You know when you are reading a book and you keep jotting down statements that move you but you then realize you are writing every paragraph in a page,that you just have stop?That’s the beauty of the book on fatherhood.I really recommend it for males who’ve never met their fathers,have poor relations with their fathers,or those who’d like to be great fathers one day;or some of you like me,who’ve not always had a father figure in their lives.

For now,I can say the book seeks to redeem true manlihood and fatherhood.It’s really touching.One thing that stood out for me is the realization that,most absent fathers/passive fathers have been wounded by their own fathers and they don’t know better.As much as this is not an excuse,it’s the reality of many fathers.Most do not know their fathers,some have never had meaningful relationships with their fathers and all this has transferred to the type of fathers they are.It’s a cycle which must be broken.The book also looks at manhood termed ‘masculinity’ in the book.I love how it describes it.

I’ve learnt that a father fills a very important role in a child’s life.In fact, I’ve since learnt that to a certain degree,the state of society is the result of missing / passive fathers.I’ll share some of the statements that really meant much to me and have helped me understand this whole fatherhood thing.

“The greatest predictor of social pathology in children is fatherlessness,greater even than poverty.”- Craig Wilkinson

“The most reliable predictor for gang activity and youth violence is neither social class nor race or education but fatherlessness.”-Fatherless Generation,John Sowers

“True masculinity is not determined by how much physical strength a man has  but rather the strength of his character.It is not a matter of how much wealth or power a man has but what he does with the wealth and power that he does have.A truly masculine man is not one who boasts of many conquests but one who keeps commitment to one woman.True masculinity is humble. It is unafraid to apologise and admit wrong.It is not about dominance but service;it is seen in the doing,not in the saying.”-Craig Wilkinson

“Whether physical or sexual ,verbal or psychological,abuse in any form is grounded in a distorted view of masculinity and perpetrated by very wounded men.Some forms of abuse can be subtle,like sarcasm and cutting remarks;some forms can appear passive,like sulking and withdrawing.The effect of all abuse is to destroy self-esteem and identity of the victim.It’s tragic to think that the beautiful gift of strength that man have given can bring harm to the very lives they are tasked to protect .”-Craig

I do hope that we'll get to a point where men are intentionally choosing to be good-whether single,married-it can change much.I also hope I'll stop talking about manhood since I'm not a man LOL...but can I though -since how men act affects me and vice versa?None is exclusive honestly,and I care that much hey :).