Do not ACTIVELY be the ‘other’ woman

Disclaimer:This post excludes those who have bee sincerely deceived by men,claiming they are the only ones while being two-timers.

Another thought from my outing with my sisters.Before I share my thoughts let me say this:until God becomes our ALL,we will always be filling His position with temporal things(broken cisterns)-relationships,money,fashion,fake personality,food,movies,novels and so forth.So,the first step to avoiding being the other woman is be absorbed in God-loving Him with our all and seeking Him first and entirely.

With that said,I’d like to speak to sisters.We also have a role to play when it comes to cheating.Sadly,at times we play an active role.We know too well that the brother is seeing someone,yet one will force herself into his life;calling him for no valid reason,flirting with him and so forth.This is unbecoming.We are called to have that ‘meek and quiet spirit’-meekness is not self-seeking,bold,looking for attention.

In fact,sometimes we put ourselves in compromising positions:spend much time with this particular brother,giving ear to all his distresses,thus being tied to him.In the end,because we’re so tied up,feelings lead us to cheat.Often,the other woman has counselled,gave an ear,till she willingly gave herself,compromising the tie that binds the couple.SOP counsels us to let brothers counsel with each other.

I’ve been in a position where I found myself getting too close to a certain brother.He’d share his victories,trials,and things he never shared with anyone with me.I think as women we naturally like listening.But this strengthens the bond between the two,thus leading to compromising situations-where a relationship starts THAT WOULD HAVE NEVER STARTED,had there been no secret interchange.You also put yourself in a position where you’ll get hurt when the brother shows attention to another sister.

Furthermore,we have sisters who know too well that the brother is married,yet they will be flirting with him still.That is wrong!As unmarried/married sisters,we must respect other people’s relationships;especially the marriage institution.Be kind but stay away.Do not even entertain the thought of someone else’s partner being yours.Pray over this spirit.

Another crucial thing,which does not involve cheating but I believe is crucial:respect other people’s husbands,please.You have NO right shouting at another woman’s husband.Speak with respect.I haven’t been in a situation where someone’s husband has wronged me,butI’d rather speak to the wife.If it’s someone I take as my father,I’ll point it out humbly.

Now,what if he’s not in a relationship? The truth is,it is none of your business.I’ve learnt that we need God to help us view our brothers in a pure light-not as potentials.Truth is,a God-fearing man is attractive,it’s easy to fall prey and start castle-building and see the future.But this a recipe for disaster.It’s you not guarding your heart and giving your heart away,when the brother has not even tried.Then,heart break follows because he’s not forthcoming.The poor brother sees a sister in Christ.

How do we guard against castle building?Philippians 4:8.Keeping busy and hiding God’s word are some of the ways we can use.Also having godly sisters to share God’s Word with,pray with and do mission work with helps.Also doing fun things together-cooking together etc.
Also,think of it this way:the brother you are dreaming about,who you are not in a relationship with,might be someone’s future husband.Now it does come across as silly to be imagining yourself who’s not even yours.God is able to deliver us.

Still,I hold onto this rule:’he who findeth a wife,findeth a good thing’-proverbs 18:22.The work of identifying potentials is not ours.We wait on the Lord who is faithful.We have no business trying to find husbands.
We are living in the last days,where Satan is constantly insinuating lies.Even so,God has a moral law,but in order to keep it,we need renewed minds.We need love as an operating principle so that we cannot harm each other.

We are to be each other’s keepers.We harm our brothers when we cause them to lose focus and give in to relationships that are not God-ordained and when we cause them to cheat.In fact,we’re told that when we cause another to sin,we are accountable for their sin.

Cheating hurts.The lady who is cheated on ends up wondering if she’s good enough.You really do not want to be the cause another woman has to start from bottom and rebuild her worth in the Lord.But the one who insinuates cheating stands to lose more-in most cases,a brother will use you to fulfill his pleasure and drop you off.But above all,you are cheating and your Maker has called you to faithfulness.

Let’s guard other people’s relationships.Is not love beautiful?Why be the one to break it?May we be a generation of women with high standard-who’d rather be laughing stocks rather than sin.Let us stand in solidarity.I believe when women raise the standard,men will be forced to.