A LETTER FROM LOVING PARENTS

Today, I had an honor to type out a letter for an elderly man. This letter contains instructions to a young couple that will be getting married this coming Saturday. Man, this is a letter from loving parents who desire their the best. Their daughter is truly blessed. As I listened to the instructions of this elderly man my heart was full of joy and heartbreak. Heart broken because marriage is not what it should be and many are the scars that have resulted from marriage. There's a realization that marriage is not for the fainthearted.

See the letter below. I'll try to interpret it when I have the time.

UMYALEZO OBALULEKILEYO OBHEKISWA KWINTOMBI YETHU NOMKHWENYANA WETHU

SingamaSimango siyayiyaleza intombi yethu kumyeni wayo umkhwenyana wethu, kwaye simthembile umkhwenyana wethu ukuba uyakumgcina umntwana wethu de bohlulwe kukufa. Luxanduva lwendoda ukuthanda umfazi wayo isithandwa sayo ngentliziyo yayo yonke. Ngumsebenzi katata wekhaya ukukhusela umfazi wakhe nabantwana bakhe. Isilumkiso sesokuba umkhwenyana maze angathengisi ngomfazi wakhe naphantsi kweyiphi na imeko. Kwakhona siyaleza ukuba umkhwenyana angaze ambethe umntwana wethu. Mababonisane kakuhle ngothando bucala xa omnye enento angayithandiyo. Nentombi yethu xa inento engayithandiyo mayithethe kakuhle nomyeni wayo. Xa abatshati benengxaki mabacebisane kwaye ingxaki yabo mayingangenwa ngomnye umntu. Ukuba lengxaki abakwazi ukuyisombulula mabavumelane ukuba lengxaki ibaxakile, kwakhona mabavumelane ukuba lengxaki mabayise bobabini kumntu abamthembileyo. Kungenjalo bangaya kubantu abakhulu bekhaya ukuba babasombululele loo ngxaki ephakathi kwabo. Nowuphina umntu osombulula ingxaki yabatshati makangathathi icala kuba ngokwenza njalo angabohlula aba babini, into ke leyo engafunekiyo emtshatweni. Kubalukile ukuba nobabini nifunde ukuxolelana xa omnye ephazamile. Abantu abatshatileyo ngamawele kwaye bayathandana, bayaqumana,bayafelana, kodwa abaphoxani, abalahlekisani ngokucebisana imfitshi-mfitshi (into engento).

Okwesibini sileli khaya siyaleza umkhwenyana wethu kwintombi yethu. Intombi yethu ize imhloniphe umyeni ngalo lonke ixesha. Intombi yethu ize imthande umyeni wayo ngentliziyo yayo yonke nangomphefumlo wayo wonke, ingamoyiki umyeni wayo. Intombi yethu mayibe ngumama kumyeni wayo imthuthuzele, imqinise, imkhuthaze, imnike ithemba umyeni wayo xa esezingxakini. Intombi yethu maze ingamthengisi umyeni wayo nangeyiphi na indlela. Intombi yethu maze imthembe ngalo lonke ixesha umyeni wayo. Umfazi nendoda yakhe bayathembana kuba banenjongo enye yokwakhana nokukhulisana. Umfazi nendoda yakhe they become one at all times. 

Intombi yethu maze ingawangeni amayelenqe neentlebendwane zomzi wayo. Ngokwenza ngolohlobo intombi yethu ingangcoliseka emzini wayo kuba abantu balomzi bangathi intombi yethu ifike yaxabanisa amaNgwevu, into keleyo engamenza iintloni umyeni wakhe.

Ukuze abanye abantu bawuhloniphe umtshato wentombi yethu nomkhwenyana kunyanzelekile ukuba bona bobabini baqale bawuhloniphe umtshato wabo ngalo lonke ixesha baphathane ngembeko nothando. Mawubukeke uthandeke umtshato wenu emehlweni ethu nasemehlweni abanye abantu. Umtshato wenu mawube ngumzekelo omhle nakubantwana benu nakubantwana abakhulayo.

Abatshati mabazinike ithuba lokuba bakhule baziphucule baphindele nasesikolweni ukuba bayafuna. Ukutshata akuthethi ukuba umyeni nomfazi mababe ngoogximfi. Abatshati mababe nenkqubela phambili ukunyusa umgangatho wentlalo nempilo yabo. Umkhwenyana nentombi yethu baze basebenze nzima ukuze bangalambi. Masikhumbule ukuba ukusokola kwabatshati kunciphisa uthando lwabo.

Le yiminqweno engazenzisiyo ephuma kwelikhaya.

Abazithobileyo

Mr. Luvuyo & Nolubabalo Geza 

August Reflections: The AWM Retreat Sessions

The program was really packed and it was needful, relevant, informative, and life-changing. The theme was Wholeness in Brokenness with an over-arching element on mental health. We had various speakers including the main speaker: Mrs. Laurie Synman who hails from Michigan. They all blessed me in a special way.

Mrs. Synman’s Sessions

The underlying theme was victory over our thoughts. This was such a fruitful session because in essence, everything comes from the mind. If the thoughts are wrong, the deeds will be wrong and vice versa. So she looks at the role of thoughts in our daily lives and its effect on our spirituality, including mental health. She also focused a lot on how we can use the Word of God to gain victory over negative thoughts. I gained a lot. She gave us handouts and I hope it’s available on AWM website.

What I really liked about this speaker was her care-free spirit. I am learning that our sharing becomes more touching when it’s authentic and bible-based. I love personal, practical examples so her presentations had these. She also learnt some Xhosa words-cute! May God bless her!

Mrs. Lulu Ndhlovu’s sessions

Aah I really loved this woman- her individuality…everyone’s individuality! Probably because she spoke a lot about some of my convictions and gave more fruitful discourses about questions I had. I have a deep interest in social issues and one of the questions that have bothered me for a while is: what is the church’s role in issues facing women-rape, abuse, etc?

“It is easier to share our stories on Facebook than at church”

I loved how she spoke about the church being a safe space. Truth is, the church was always supposed to be a safe space. But I think we got Christianity wrong- we probably thought being Christian means ‘pretending all is well’. And because of this, an environment was created that prohibited people from being honest. At the end we have hurting people pretending they are alright while dying inside.

She also spoke about the importance of being hands-on in ministry. She raised that we have become an ‘event’ orientated church. Placed more emphasis on prayer since we also pray now and again. Even personally, might I add! I need not start introspecting myself when there’s going to be the Lord’s Supper. It should be daily. Lord help us (me)!

She also spoke about the ministry she and her husband starter at a shelter for children who are rape victims. I cried! I was really touched. But I praised God for the healing that has been taking place. As she shared how the children were on their arrival, I really got impressed with the realization that people are hurting and they are broken. And I personally think I’d like to be more sensitive on my approach to others. It’s easier to think people don’t want God etc; but I honestly think people have so many questions. Overall, a new ministry idea was birthed and I am so much thankful.

She also shared about her own brokenness and how God came through for her. As she shared, I realized marriage is deep and not for the unconverted.

She also spoke about real issues and pin-pointed areas where women do err. I really loved her balanced approach.

Mrs. Botho Ntswaneng’s sessions

What need I say more?! She reached to the depths of my soul and said the very things I needed to hear. She also shared about other various things too: mental health as a Psychotherapist etc. She also asked an important question: who are the mothers of the young men who are raping, killing, abusing? Who’s to blame? Essentially, we encouraged to be each other’s keepers as women. She said one fundamental thing that really rebuked me: the need to cover each other and never be so quick to expose each other’s faults. Mercy Lord! I used to think is easy—not when we are coming from a place of hurt.

Pastor Ngwaru’s sessions

Aww, bless your servant, Lord! He made us cry when He shared his story. It’s not for me to share. But the whole talk was on healing and forgiveness. I love how he pointed: BROKENNESS BEGETS MINISTRY. BROKENNESS PROVIDES OPPORTUNITIES. He also pointed out that brokenness can either be redemptive or destructive. God is the greatest example: broken by our sins yet redemptive. And Satan comes to mind on the element of destructive. Above all, brokenness is not an excuse because there’s a balm in Gilead. I was healed, still am. I think a lot needs to be spoken about healing of the soul.

I won’t share on Doctor Mweemba as I had shared on my previous post. Start happening.

Overall, I have been blessed and this experience has made me reflect a lot.

P/S: I’ll share Mrs Tabea Nkabinde’s session on its own. I managed to jot down some important points.

My August Reflections: General Lessons

There was an incident that happened in the women’s retreat that has led to this post. The registration fee for AWM annual retreat included various things that we needed at the retreat such as the print outs, pens, and a blanket. So when we got to the registration table, the blankets were not available. We were then told to write a list of our names which was to be used for the blankets. A few blankets were handed out to the people that were in the list but they were few. Upon inquiring about when we were going to receive ours, we were told the following morning. Needless to say, we did not receive them up to this point (but there’s hope that we will).

The whole experience was really disappointing and frustrating. The coordinator of the retreat told us something had happened and we would receive the blankets on a later stage. Unfortunately this led to a lot of murmuring and a lot of ‘administration talk’ LOL. It was a daily agenda amongst the women. But we praise God that we received blessings greater than a blanket could afford us.

But this whole experience has led me to the following conclusion:

-When dealing with people, transparency is the best policy regardless of how bad the situation may be, especially when money has been paid. There’s nothing as frustrating as paying for something and not receiving it. But it becomes worse when you’re not told the reasons behind it. Of course in this context it could be that the coordinator wanted to protect people and I believe she would’ve been able to do so without mentioning names. See, a lack of transparency has a way of making people suspicious. And sadly, trust is broken.

- Reflecting is VERY important in life- whether from a personal space or as a ministry, business, family etc. This is very much needful or there’ll be no growth whatsoever. This has really helped me and I guess that’s why I keep reflecting. It helps with keeping track of your progress, to see what to improve on and so forth. Now, if you are ministry, it’s pivotal to ask questions so that you can serve better. LOL, now that I think of this reflection thing, I feel guilty! I’d also like you, dear reader, to tell me if this blog is adding any value, make suggestions and so forth!

-Voicing concerns to the right people! I’ve noticed something amongst us black folks- this is general observations. When we’re not satisfied with something, we don’t complain to the right folks. E.g you buy something and it’s not exactly how you wanted it to be; instead of going back to the seller, you keep quiet (or end up badmouthing the seller). How does this benefit us in anyway? Truth is, it doesn’t. I really hope we can help each other in this journey of life by being honest. It’s not wrong to say when you’re not satisfied-‘cause I believe if someone is offering you a service, they want to please you. I feel like we have misplaced guilt, maybe? How can you feel guilty for being honest? Something I also need to work on! Not wanting to offend sometimes really harms!

-Be accountable!

- Be the change you want to see! Everything is two-sided. As a South African I acknowledge that there are many injustices that we face as a people. But at some point we must ask ourselves what is our individual responsibility. Often the focus is heavily on the injustices such that we end up a bitter and angry people who do not make a difference. Even if you’re making a difference anger and bitterness are self-destructive. Back to my point: to a certain degree, the power to help ourselves lies within us (not negating God’s help). We need to let go of the ‘savior’ mentality. No one is getting us of this mess-whether it be jobs, poverty, and so forth. The solution lies in us to equip ourselves and so forth. Look at how Burkina Faso flourished when Thomas Sankara was alive. Look at the self-help programs in Ethiopia. You get what I am saying right?

-And writing about our dreams will also not change a thing. This is a personal rebuke to myself.

P/S: Regarding self-help projects, see the video below. I was hoping to share the link my brother got me, pity I don't have it. When I do, will share.

My August Reflections [Adventist Women Ministries Annual Retreat]

August has really been a beautiful month for me. I thank God for reaching out to me in a special way. And I had such a deep, personal, reviving experience with God when I went to the annual Adventist Women’s Ministries retreat which takes place around 9th-12^th of August. So, prior to the whole experience I really felt stuck- particularly with regards to my life direction and career. It got to a point where I just stopped trying and I really didn’t care. I felt I had ‘tried’ and I just got so defeated that all that I had left was my confusion. To add on that was my constant fear for the future. My fear stemmed from the fact that my dream of becoming independent had not come into fruition and when I continued to reflect, I just felt overwhelmed. I think this had been happening for the past year or so too. But through all of this, I kept praying, asking God to show me what path to take, encourage me, just anything.

And God really came through for me when I attended the retreat. The retreat is arranged in such a way that you have accommodation which you arrange as a church. Then there are various sessions that deal with a lot of women-related issues that are in the ministry. But I’ll delve on that on upcoming blog posts. So, when I attended I had so many questions with regards to how to deal with socio-related issues, but mostly personal issues. And the one thing I am grateful for is that everything that was said was so relevant that I could truly hear God speak to me personally and answering each question I had. In fact, God exceeded my expectations by going a little bit further and answering questions I didn’t even know I had. He even went so far as revealing things in my heart that I was not even aware of. Like David I can testify that God ‘triest the heart’. And truly God is ‘able to do exceeding abundantly all that we (I) ask or think.’

I think because of my failure with attaining independence I unconsciously adopted the dependency mentality- where I was giving into the idea that someone was just going to save me or give me a job. But God in His mercy sent Doctor Mweemba who was one of the speakers to reach out to me. His talk was titled ‘Start Happening’ and it was spot on. Have you ever heard God speak to you such that all you could do was sigh? Ever been exposed such that all you could do was to give praise to God? That was my experience. I love how God deals with us through the Holy Spirit. I love the fact that when we are down and hopeless, God does not discourage us further. Instead, He inspires us with new zeal to try again and be encouraged. Such a gentle, loving God we serve! At this point, I didn’t need a lecture on how I had wasted time. I had done that enough. And I am so thankful to God for dealing with me lovingly.

The talk was essentially awakening us to the fact that we are each blessed with capabilities for success. More so, we have been created equally and those who make a success out of their lives have not been given superior capabilities. What I really got from the session was the need to take charge of my life. I had stopped trying and I started to blame things on circumstances. But I left there knowing that it’s all in my hands and I had to rightly use the power of choice that God has given me.

There was also a monologue that was read each day over and over again. It’s found in 2 Timothy 1:1-18. One verse particularly stood out for me- since it had a solution for what I had been struggling with for years.

verse7: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

And ever since then, each day has been an experience of trusting, of knowing that I can do ALL things in Christ through the power of His might.

To top this whole experience was the beautiful scenery all around- the mountains, the greens, the beautiful houses…essentially everything. It made me miss Cape Town a bit. I also loved the rondavel we stayed in. I hope to visit again soon :).

Image Source:

https://www.google.co.za/search?q=hartenbos+atkv&rlz=1C1AVNG_enZA640ZA746&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjf6JqUy4LdAhVrJMAKHRM8CgwQ_AUICigB&biw=1440&bih=794#imgrc=U9C1LpftvCjMOM:

My August :)

Sanctuary of Style

August happens to be my favourite month of the year, so I am ecstatic that it has finally arrived! My favourite month because:
-I was baptised on this month
-It's a month before my birthday in September
-It's also women's month

In the past few months, I've developed a love for African history. I've missed out a lot but I am making up for it. This has opened my mind to the realities that other African women from other parts of Africa face such as: the trokosi system, female circumcision (genital mutilation), etc. I've learnt that most African women do not have the right to make their own choices concerning what they want in life. Most of them are forced to go through traumatic rite of passages (female circumcision) without their own consent, they are denied the right to education and forced to marry.

So as I was reflecting, I realised how honoured I am as a woman in South Africa and so I think, to me being a woman means so much more: I think it also means using my freedom wisely-to the benefit of others. I believe it means choosing and developing myself so that I can pass the knowledge and skills I have to others. It also means creating awareness about other women's realities and doing all in my power to help. But of course it is not limited to serving women only.

So this August I'll be researching more about women related issues in Africa and learning more about other tribes. Most importantly, I'll be looking at womanhood from God's perspective. I hope to take sometime to reflect about the past year too. Hopefully I'll be able to share here :).

In the meantime, join me: