Are we raising our male children the same way we are doing with our girls? Part 1

This was the discussion on S.A fm this morning-it was very insightful and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I only had one argument concerning this question and it was-still is,NO!A friend made me realise this,as I was too blind to even notice-but the difference in rearing both girls and boys has been there-at least in the black community.

Argument 1: The parents tend to be strict when raising their girls.They set curfews for girls, they set clear chores, and often girls are taught to be responsible:taking care of themselves.Nothing wrong with this way of rearing girls as we need responsible women who will play a pivotal role in society.On the negative:In most cases,the grip is loosened when raising a male child-he’s not taught to be governed by rules, no curfews are set out for him,and he can do as much as he pleases,with discipline here and there.

Parents might feel like the world is against the female child:if she falls pregnant,her life changes and is put on a standstill.Sounds fair I know.But the reality is:girls do not get themselves pregnant.It is the male child that impregnates-so he ought to be taught to be responsible too.When both are clear of the responsibility,then we are able to solve the issue.The male child would realise his role in improving society,thus making good choices.

Society,to a large degree,conditions the female child to conduct herself such that she’d be a good wife with dignity.Wrong way of rearing the female child–of course my approach is from a Christian perspective,which supports that both males and females should be brought up in the fear of the Lord,for it is Him who seeks us to be pure and holy ,with the aid He offers.
The male is not conditioned to take responsibility;perhaps the desire was to teach the male child to be responsible through certain rites of passages,but the period is too short.Males should be prepared from childhood too,and the outcome will be balanced. Instead, we currently have a majority of males who live recklessly–some carelessly having children,and when they finally decide to change their ways (which is plausible),there’s an imbalance:one who is prepared for a healthy
relationship(marriage) and one who is not.Perhaps,that sometimes lead to divorce–I’m not sure.

Argument 2:Parents want to outsource their children to institutions such as the school and the church,while they fold their hands and do nothing.

Said another caller and I thoroughly concur.Children are raising themselves these days.Parenting is limited to providing the needs of a child.My brother and I used to be amazed at how children from our street would be playing from morning till sunset during school vacation.Weren’t their parents bothered by the children’s absence?When do parents pass down values,when children are away majority of the time?

[Parents] should calmly consider what provision can be made for their children. They

have no right to bring children into the world to be a burden to others.-CCh,p.144

 

What then is the duty of the mother? (From counsels–been studying this for a while,and I had vowed to not write about things I have no experience of;thankfully,this is counsel from God,not my opinions):

The sphere of the mother may be humble; but her influence, united with the fathe

r’s,is as abiding as eternity.Next to God,the mother’s power for good is the strongest known on earth.-Counsels to the Church,E.G.White,p.144

A Christian mother will ever be wide awake to discern the dangers that surround her children.She will keep her own soul in a pure,holy,atmosphere; she will regulate her temper and principles by the word of God and will faithfully do her duty,living above the petty temptations which will assail her.-CCH,p.144

For more counsel on motherhood: Child Guidance by E.G White will come in handy.

The father’s role?

Levels of cuteness:).My dad was this type :)-story for another day.

To the man who is a husband and a father, I would say, Be sure tha

t a pure, holy

atmosphere surrounds your soul. You are to learn daily of Christ. Never, never are you

to show a tyrannical spirit in the home. The man who does this is working in partnership

with satanic agencies. Bring your will into submission to the wil

l of God. Do all in your

power to make the life of your wife pleasant and happy. Take the word of God as the

man of your counsel. In the home live out the teachings of the word. Then you will live

them out in the church and will take them with you to your

place of business. The

principles of heaven will ennoble all your transactions. Angels of God will cooperate with

you, helping you to reveal Christ to the world.(Counsels to the Church,E.G.White,p.146)

Therefore,parenting is team work:

The father’s duty to his children cannot be transferred to the mother. If she performs

her own duty, she has burden enough

to bear. Only by working in unison can the father

and mother accomplish the work which God has committed to their hands.-CCh,p146

 

The father should not excuse himself from his part in the work of educating his

children for life and immortality. He must

share in the responsibility. There is obligation

for both father and mother. There must be love and respect manifested by the parents

for one another, if they would see these qualities developed in their children.-CCh,p.146

Father’s responsibility to his sons:

The father of boys should co

me into close contact with his sons, giving them the

benefit of his larger experience and talking with them in such simplicity and tenderness

that he binds them to his heart. He should let them see that he has their best interest,

their happiness, in view all the time-CCh,p.146

He who has a family of boys must understand that, whatever his calling, he is never

to neglect the souls placed in his care. He has brought these children into the world and

has made himself responsible to God to do everything in

his power to keep them from

unsanctified associations, from evil companionship. He should not leave his restless

boys wholly to the care of the mother. This is too heavy a burden for her. He must

arrange matters for the best interests of the mother and th

e children. It may be very

hard for the mother to exercise self

control and to manage wisely in the training of her

children. If this is the case, the father should take more of the burden upon his soul. He

should be determined to make the most decided eff

orts to save his children.-CCh,p.146

Sobering statements honestly,they make my heart quiver with fear–not too late for those who’ve erred and those who are not yet parents.

Image Resources:

boca4kids.com

http://www.express.co.uk

blogs.babycenter.com

In need of grace

Many wives;few good,committed mothers

Many ladies desiring marriage;very few willing to accept God's ideal-submission,home-keeping etc

Many ladies praying for husbands;very few praying to be ennobling help-meets

Many ladies eager to have children;very few willing to fulfill God's calling for them as mothers

Many praying for godly men;very few willing to be godly

Many in relationships;Soldemly from God's approval

Many seeking to be blessings to their bfs/fiance;very few blessing those in their homes and around

Many seeking to be wives;very few thoroughly equipped to take care of the home

Many seeking first happiness in their relationships;very few seeking the kingdom of God and His righteousness in their relationships

Many fb posts about how much she loves him;very few praying and ennobling their bfs

Loads of time spent together in picnics and outings;little time spent in studying and praying together

Many relationship taking the world's ideal;yet many seeking God to bless these

Many late night calls;little time for individual prayer and study

Many hurting,aimless souls due to all this

‪#‎God_help_us‬

I salute mothers

Especially those who have raised/are raising their children according to God's will.It is really not for the faint-hearted.It requires full dependence on God and faith.What makes me say this?The following statements and what I've seen.

"The mother’s work is such that it demands continual advancement in her own life, in order that she may lead her children to higher and still higher attainments. But Satan lays his plans to secure the souls of both parents and children. Mothers are drawn away from the duties of home and the careful training of their little ones, to the service of self and the world.1Christian Temperance and Bible Hygiene, 60.

For the sake of their children, if for no other reason, mothers should cultivate their intellects, for they bear a greater responsibility in their work than does the king upon his throne. Few mothers feel the weight of the trust that is given them, or realize the efficiency they can attain for their peculiar work through patient, thorough effort in self-culture.

And first, the mother needs to strictly discipline and cultivate all the faculties and affections of the mind and heart, that she may not have a distorted or one-sided character and leave the marks of her deficiency or eccentricity upon her offspring. Many mothers need [to] be roused to see the positive necessity of a change in their purposes and characters in order to perform acceptably the duties they have voluntarily assumed by entering upon the married life. The channel of woman’s usefulness can be widened and her influence extended to an almost unlimited degree if she will give proper attention to these matters, which affect the destiny of the human race."2Pacific Health Journal, May, 1890.

"It is the duty of mothers to cultivate their minds and keep their hearts pure. They should improve every means within their reach for their intellectual and moral improvement, that they may be qualified to improve the minds of their children."4Testimonies For The Church 3:147.
 
"My sister, Christ has committed to you the sacred work of teaching His commandments to your children. In order to be fitted for this work, you must yourself live in obedience to all His precepts. Cultivate a watchful observance of every word and action. Guard most diligently your words. Overcome all hastiness of temper; for impatience, if manifested, will help the adversary to make the home life disagreeable and unpleasant for your children."17Letter 47a, 1902.

~Child Guidance,chapter 8 for further reading!

Parenthood

As I continue to study about parenthood and motherhood especially,I realise before one can be a parent,they need to be children of God and obey him.Parenthood is a great responsibility and only those that seek to do God's will and are dependent on him are qualified to be parents.Parenthood is not mainly a matter of age,but understanding that the children brought in this world need to be led to God and to love His will.But how can one train a child to follow God's will when they don't.I'm tempted to say:there are few true parents out there!May God help us as young people to realise that parenthood comes with great responsibility and the salvation of the children rest upon the parents.

"Parents should study the laws of nature. They should become acquainted with the organism of the human body. They need to understand the functions of the various organs, and their relation and dependence. They should study the relation of the mental to the physical powers, and the conditions required for the healthy action of each. To assume the responsibilities of parenthood without such preparation is a sin."The Ministry of Healing, 380. /Child Guidance pg64.

But all is not lost:"Parents may well inquire, “Who is sufficient for these things?” God alone is their sufficiency, and if they leave Him out of the question, seeking not His aid and counsel, hopeless indeed is their task. But by prayer, by study of the Bible, and by earnest zeal on their part, they may succeed nobly in this important duty, and be repaid a hundredfold for all their time and care.... The source of wisdom is open, from which they may draw all necessary knowledge in this direction."p64

Points to ponder...

Been reading the book of Joshua and thus far I’ve learnt:

-God’s promises are true and they will come to fulfilment
-Disobedience to God’s word always has serious repercussions
-Males and females have different roles and offices: in the Old Testament only males became priests, only men went to battle etc.

Now I ask: If females went to battle, what would happen to the children?

COMPARE:
Titus 2:3-5King James Version (KJV)

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Timothy 3:1-2King James Version (KJV)

3 This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
Timothy 3:12King James Version (KJV)
12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
 

Motherhood:

As I ponder deeply on the calling of motherhood, I realise:

-Being fertile doesn’t qualify one to be a mother, as it’s a calling from God.
-The salvation of her children depends to a large extent on her.

“The mother must keep her mind refreshed and stored with the promises and blessings of God’s Word, and also the forbidden things, that when her children do wrong she may present as a reproof the words of God, and show them how they are grieving the Spirit of God. Teach them that the approbation and smiles of Jesus are of greater value than the praise or flattery or approval of the most wealthy, the most exalted, the most learned of the earth. Lead them to Jesus Christ day by day, lovingly, tenderly, earnestly. You must not allow anything to come between you and this great work.”2The Review and Herald, April 14, 1885. /Child Guidance, page 41

“The mother must ever stand pre-eminent in this work of training the children; while grave and important duties rest upon the father, the mother, by almost constant association with her children, especially during their tender years, must always be their special instructor and companion.”14Pacific Health Journal, January, 1890. /Child Guidance, page 24
If we, as ladies, do not enjoy reading our Bibles now, how will we then be equipped to be mothers?

What kind of home life would you like to have?

When I thought of marriage,I used to see myself living in a big home with a pond :),with fish tanks etc.But then I'd get stuck when it came to children.They'd be there for the sake of  being "fruitful and multiplying".But what a solemn responsibility lies in the home.So many of us think of the home life as leisure where God is not central but we have a wrong idea.

Some ladies want children because children are lovely.And yes they are;but with children comes a responsibility.In fact,the home is a training school for developing a Christian character and preparing the children for serving God here on earth and to be prepared to meet the Lord.

"The educational influences of the home are a decided power for good or for evil.They are in many respects silent and gradual,but if exerted on the right side,they may become a far-reaching power for truth and righteousness.If the child is not instructed aright here,Satan will educate him through his agencies or his choosing.How important,then,is the school home."~Child Guidance,p.17.


From the above statement,we can conclude that not only should  the home be a place of love and safety for children but they are to be instructed to develop Christ-like characters.So ,marriage  life and parenthood is a solemn duty,which should not be lighlty guarded.If a couple decides to have children,they are placing the blood of their children on themselves.With that said,I cannot help but wonder:If we cannot obey God,how do we expect to teach our children to obey Him?

"Home education is not by any means to be neglected.Those who neglect it neglect a religious duty."p18.The home is a place that prepares individuals who will go out into the society and exert an influence-whether good or evil.Shouldn't we,who have a desire to build homes,carefully consider this matter?

"The father and mother shall be the first teachers of their children.Parents should not lightly regard the work of training their children,nor neglect upon any account."p23

May our thoughts concerning marriage and parenthood not be of roses and picnics and family potrait pictures,but of God's ideal.We are to realise that children are "God's property bought with a price" and they are to be taught in the way of the Lord.I wish I can express it more deeply,but it's not for those who are not yielded to God.But it's for those who are willing to be molded by God.

#AS I LEARN

Motherhood

I've been thinking about motherhood a lot lately .It all started when I attended a Bible Study where they discuss the Adventist Home(book). At first,the thought of being a stay-at-home mother seemed too much for me....No,I was totally against it.I thought,'what's the use of studying,if it will all go to waste?';but then it was explained to me-the course that you choose should equip you to be the best mother and the best teacher to your children.

And I finally get why mothers need to be home-keepers and teach their own kids.And it's got me wondering:if a majority of mothers were home-makers and teaching their kids themselves(or not) will there be:a lot of teenage pregnancy,drug abuse,suicide,increase in HIV status and many other cruel things happening?Would abduction even occur?Okay it will occur-but not much.

It's now clear to me that one of the advantages of  being a stay-at-home mother is getting closer to your children.It's quite a rare thing amongst Africans/Xhosa people.As much as I can talk about anything with my mother-there are areas I am uncomfortable speaking about.And if matters had been different,I assume it would be easier to tell her personal things-not that I keep things from her.

I know for sure that I'd capable of quite of few things like:knitting,crochetting,cooking healthily and other domestic roles.If mothers were home keepers, it would be easier to confide in them and some decision might have been avoided because of the mother's presence.

As I look at it now,it's not much of a sacrifice-it only requires sacrifice and doing all you can for the salvation of your children.But then again,if it's not for you:you can decide to marry and not have children or not marry at all.

It's quite sad that as young women who ponder on marriage,motherhood is the last thing that comes to mind.


*As I learn!
 

LESSONS GOD IS TEACHING,PART 4:

Lessons from Adventist Home,Chapter 40:

-The role of the mother is the most crucial role above every other role that a wife can fill and God writes the name of the faithful mother in the book of life God has called wives to take care of the home and this is pleasing to God (Titus 2:5; 1Timothy 5:14)
-Mothers are to regard teaching and instructing their children as a missionary field because the souls of their children(child) are of importance in God's sight.
-It is the devil's studied plan and it is a deception to think that as a mother you should have a career because motherhood is a career on its own.

So,all in all,I've learnt that motherhood is not an inferior role .The good of the society depends on the teachings of mothers

It's also important to note that being a mother doesn't mean one does not have to study or pursue a career,because they will have to be teachers to their children-so it's better when the mother is knowledgable so that she can give her children the best education.

My own thoughts:

Jesus and John were homeschooled and they turned out very well.Moses also comes to mind-because of his mother's teachings,he fulfilled his life purpose.

I now realize that marriage isn't child's play.It is the medium to save souls.It is God's order that the man should take care if the family while the wife tends the kids and the home;but the father is not excused from taking care of the children.I now realize that I need to not only think of the marriage I'd like to have (if God has called me to it),but the future I'd like to give my child(ren).

I now realize one  one does not prepare for marriage during engagement but before one enters into a relationship.

As I learn and unlearn.How I pray that I may accept these teachings as they are!