Is your relationship making you better?

I have read that the sole purpose of a relationship is NOT to make us happy,but to make us better people and it should lead heavenward!

One lady comes to mind and I can attest that a relationship,when led by God and when his principles are taken into the place of feelings,is much fruitful and beautiful.

This lady is a Christian and although she had grown up in a family that attends church she still felt something missing.Although she had been strict with gaurding her purity she still wanted a relationship with God.She got baptised and was convinced she had reached the ideal.What she did not know about herself was that she was still  self-absorbed.She only loved those who loved her.Then she met her boyfriend.Her boyfriend loves people and he's the type who'll just talk to anyone and shows kindness to any individual,regardless of their social status.This really stood out for the lady and she since asked the Lord for kindness as well,as she did not want to be like the many wives she had seen.She had noticed that most kind husbands had unkind wives who never manifested the same kindness as their wives and she prayed that she will be a kind wife.

She then realised that it was hypocritical to love her bf sincerely while she did not even pay much attention to her own siblings and loved ones.She then learnt to first honour those around her and then the bf.She was inspired as this boyfriend really loved God and she purposed to put God first in everything she did.She has since grown in her faith and together they have mentored a few young people.

They have since grown.They continue to face challenges.Like the last time,after having not seen each other for a long time,they held hands.But as it is their traditional,to review every action,they realised they had overstepped the boundaries and prayed for strength to ever be subject to God's will.Growth has not only occured on the lady alone,the bf has since become more purposeful and more determined in life.It is his deepest desire to shun every evil.

They continue to grow.They have since learnt that prayer,study of God's word and fasting avails much.Although they love each other,they still maintain reserve.They try to only speak that which is uplifting to each other.Their friendship is characterised by honesty-so much that they point out the wrongs in each other's character,so that each makes it to heaven.They continue to pursue God individually.

Can this be said about your relationship?Is your relationship calling you to purity and godliness?Are you growing daily and is your desire for serving the Lord growing?Or are you more focused on sensual objects and you are even losing zeal to pursue your own dreams?

Is courtship:

-Holding hands and being lovey dovey
-Being seen together everywhere
-Writing love posts on each other's walls
-Tagging each other on every status
-Constantly taking pics together
-Putting each other's pics as profiles on social networks (haha)
-Going out and having a good time-laughing,jesting,flirting
-Exploring forbidden ground
-Calling each other by sweet names:bae,baby,etc

This is what's common these days and it is labelled "courtship".
I'm not really concerned about discussing the DO's and  the DONT's,but I think it should be taken more seriously and solemnly THAN most times.I'm not an expert in this area and I'm not even a good counselor/"to go to" typa person,but I can't help feeling that we're taking it too lightly.

I just feel like love letters,picnics and updating relationshp status(es) is all we think about when the word "courtship" is mentioned.Then we beautify it by being in a relationship with a brother from church which makes us feel justified.When the brother is not EVEN a believer-"doesn't believe in present truth".

I feel like there are few who realise the responsibility that lies on their shoulders as they enter into these relations.I feel like we should indeed "make haste slow";and keep in mind that if these were to lead to matrimony,which is the end goal:our relationship with God will be affected either for good or bad and the state of future generations.And ofcourse we can selfishly enter into these relationships for our enjoyment,but what about the precious little souls that Christ has died for?Don't they deserve parents who will  raise them up to reach God's ideal?

At least,lets put our own desires aside and think about the plan of redemption at large:are we going to continue on our selfish ways,when these relationship could be used for the salvation of mankind?How about breaking them off or re-dedicating them:starting afresh with a vision and a mission and an eye single for God's glory?


It's not enough to not "touch","hug","kiss".It goes deeper.Preparation should be done.The young lady preparing to be an help-meet and the young man preparing to be a Priest-a ministry,a calling.We do ourselves good if we would consult God,His Word and the testimonies-rather than man-made ideals for relationships,which are often rooted on feelings,circumstances and other people's experiences.

"If there is any subject that should be considered with calm reason and unimpassioned judgment, it is the subject of marriage. If ever the Bible is needed as a counselor, it is before taking a step that binds persons together for life. But the prevailing sentiment is that in this matter the feelings are to be the guide, and in too many cases lovesick sentimentalism takes the helm and guides to certain ruin. It is here that the youth show less intelligence than on any other subject; it is here that they refuse to be reasoned with. The question of marriage seems to have a bewitching power over them. They do not submit themselves to God. Their senses are enchained, and they move forward in secretiveness, as if fearful that their plans would be interfered with by someone."-Adventist Home,p70


#Fearfully learning 

 

"Born and raised in the church" does not equate to Christians : Part 2

I have come to realise that the home influence plays a great deal in how we turn out to be and in our Christianity.And to large extent,I blame parents for their children not turning out as Christians. Of course this argument is two sided and both sides are true:as much as parents are responsible,so are the kids.After all, parents can do all that they were supposed to do and the children may still not be saved.And this is the sad reality of the great controversy between good and evil.But I'd like to focus on the influence of the home life since I've been studying about it's influence on how children turn out.

I decided to read Child Guidance since I felt the need to be prepared to raise kids if God were to call me to it and since I started wondering what marriage entails and how children were to be raised.And I'm grateful to God for bringing the thought.In fact,it was the Holy Spirit-since every good thing is cultivated by him.And as I started to read the book I was pained and I'm still pained.I looked at my life and saw how much light had been neglected and what hurt more is when I look around.The sad reality is,even the church looks at family life and deals with surface topics.But if much could be studied concerning the home life then we would see change.

But I've since come to realise that each person has the responsibility to know  God's will for himself,since christianity is an individual thing.The sad thing is, even with family life programmes in the church, they still miss the point.You'll find out that mostly people talk about their experiences- and as much as that is good,we all need to know what God says,after all He is the author of marriage and families-it was His design.

The sad thing is,as much as Christians are getting into relationships-they still do not make God the counselor.His Word and the testimonies are replaced by other authors.Of course, there is nothing wrong with  reading how other godly Christians make it work- but God's Word must be the ultimate rule since it is a command and can help each family achieve God's ideal for family life.I believe if God's Word and Spirit of Prophecy were read and lived out,the world would have more Christians who are standing for truth and there would be families that represent the heavenly home.

I've also learnt that we have a poor view of what a godly courtship and a godly marriage looks like.I blame this on allowing the world to set standards for us. We are always told to not be unequally yoked as if that's the only thing.I believe more emphasis should be placed in the need for holiness in both the courtship and the marriage relation.Courtship,I personally believe,is not entered with the right spirit-which is to glorify God.Sometimes or many times it is,but then the couple starts relaxing and focus on themselves more rather than what God requires.And in the end,God's will is lightly regarded.Nothing wrong with being there for each other BUT not at the expense of God's will.

Courtship is often described as a stage where the parties involved determine whether it is the will of God for them to get married,but how can that be if the couple is NOT praying continually and studying together about marriage and raising children in the Lord?I now realise why the couple cotimplating the marriage relation should pray more;for God's leading and to know His will.We often get into these courtships with the mindset of "as long as we don't fornicate, kiss, hold hands,hug we are safe".And yes we are, but it's more than the boundaries.It's more about God and his desire for us to reach a higher standard.Even the courtship stage should encourage both parties involved to pursue holiness.So, it is not enough to be in a courtship or to be engaged to a believe who shares the same beliefs,but both parties have a responsibility to seek God's will and understand what marriage entails.

Sadly,many prepare for the marriage relation in the marriage itself.As much as SOP defines marriage as a school where there is continual growth,the preparation must be done before hand.Like the bride and the bridegroom plan and prepare for the wedding,there needs  to be preparation for marriage.It is not enough to compliment each other,after all you can compliment each other in sin,like Ananias and Sapphira did.If love for God and his will is not supreme,then it's all in vain.

My advice would be; couples really need to study the purpose of the marriage relation and adhere to its requirements.We are only safe when we take God at His Word.The males need to understand what their role is and the females also.And all this has been revealed in God's Word and SOP.I've often wondered looking at how certain couples raise their children if they have ever read Adventist Home and Child Guidance and other books. Of course it is not enough to read these,but we are to apply.As I read Child Guidance I realised the reason some children aren't christians is because the parents themselves aren't converted.So,there needs to be repentance too.

For example:I've learnt that no evil suggestions,whether by reading,hearing or seeing should be allowed in the home (child guidance) and this has to begin with me.I must avert my eyes from every evil suggestion and as much as it's a struggle-all for the sake of my salvation,my future husband and that of my children.It's deep.As much as the courtship relationship needs to be a process of getting to know each other,there needs to be time of getting to know God's will.If we are not influencing each other heavenward during  the courtship,what will change during marriage?

We need to look beyond the wedding day,we need to look beyond whether he can provide and if she's a good cook (and as much these are of great importance) , there needs to be a balance between the practical and the spiritual.What is the point of marrying one who is willing to provide but who doesn't fear the Lord?And we need the Lord every step of the way.As we continually seek His will and do it,He will work with us.

WE ARE IN A SPIRITUAL WARFARE AND WE ARE TO ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND-THERE IS NO TIME FOR RELAXING.EVEN WHEN WE HAVE GOOD TIMES,THEY SHOULD BE IN THE LORD!

#Learning and Reflecting   

Godly Relationships :)

God calls each Christian to godly relationships,even when it comes to dating/courtship,so that we can do all to His glory :)!

I've come to realise that if we make God everything and we seek counsel when it comes to how we run our relationships it becomes joyful,I can testify.In the past,I was always worrying about what if something goes wrong or this or that BUT I'm learning that we do not only need God in our spiritual lives but every facet-including our courtship relations.And it is only when we make God the centre that we are able to have fulfilling relations that brings us joy and help us to grow spiritually.

Ways to pursue a godly relationship:

1.Allow God to lead you and always seek counsel from Him FIRST
2.Refrain from watching sensual movies or whatever as these contradict with what you're trying to pursue.For example,we are called to refrain from fornication,so if you watch things that encourage this,then you're likely to want to experiment and be a stumbling block to the other person.
3.Read God's word and learn together-for example,there was an instance when I struggled a bit with the concept of the Godhead and through God's providences,my dear friend came and we did a study and it's been clear ever since.
4.Pray for and with each other:for strength to go on,to overcome certain challenges and so that the devil cannot break the bond.
5.Don't compare your relationship to other people's - allow God to manifest Himself in yours
6.Seek counsel from godly individuals-whether from your parents,people from church etc.
7.Communicate-so that you're on the same page-shared vision and goal.To resolve conflict and not end up being angry with each other over minor things that could've been resolved.
8.Seek the other person's happiness above yours
9..Forgive-it helps to realise that you're in a relationship with another sinner
10.Pursue God individually-that way you grow and eliminate dishonouring God.This helps you to be pure in thoughts before you can be pure in deeds.
11.To the sisters-allow Him to lead,it encourages him to seek God more as He doesn't want to mislead you.
12.To males-do lead :).I once had a conversation with the sisters I live with and one expressed how she wanted the guy to lead,as she felt he was too soft etc.It's God's calling to men.
13.Give everything to God-trust him even with your relationship.He'll teach you how to serve,how to submit and it becomes easier when he is carrying the load.
14.Reflect-take time to reflect and see how you're doing-whether you're growing and what issues still need to be dealt with-e.g we had problems with late chatting-so we really had to discipline ourselves and pray.

And lastly,don't be absorbed with each other!As your relationship grows,your relationship with others is supposed to grow.Let brotherly love continue :-).

DATING versus COURTSHIP

After listening to a presentation on DATING, I wrote down the following findings, from God himself :
-Dating is a relationship whereby both parties (male and female) get into a relationship SECRETELY without consulting God and their parents FIRST. They haphazardly enter into a relationship without the intentions of getting married and it often leads to kissing (even to fornicating sometimes).And it’s definitely NOT God’s way of doing things.
Many, because of dating, have been hurt, have wrong ideas of what TRUE love is, and have had unwanted babies out of wedlock. Some have spent sleepless nights, spent tears on people not WORTHY of their tears and some have even committed suicide. AND SADLY, some have even abandoned God.
And so dear friends, NOW is the time to do things according to God’s will:
-Shun dating! Kissing, hugging, touching, any sexual contact should ONLY be reserved for your wife/husband. While UNMARRIED your body belongs to God and your parents ONLY.
-Ladies, it is our DUTY to lead our brother’s thoughts heavenward by not wearing/saying anything that displeases the Lord. Next time try the following:-
Boy:I love you my sister
Girl:Do you love the Lord my brother?
Boy:Yes
Girl:He says keep His commandments
:D
-Gentlemen, it is your DUTY to protect us and to also lead us heavenward: by not awakening our love for you, if you haven’t counseled with God, your parents etc. You have NO right to be “checking” us out and you should try by all means to keep your eyes fixed on God.
-We all have a responsibility to literally run away from situations that will lead to compromising situations, such as: Being alone in a closed room with the opposite sex, hugging, flirting, etc.
-There are many fatherless, abandoned babies already and we are to avoid adding to the number. Today, let us commit our ways to the Lord, so that God can be glorified through us.
-And it doesn’t matter what we were yesterday and what we did. God is MORE THAN WILLING to forgive us, cleanse us and to make us whole ONLY if we confess our sin (1John 1:9,2Corinthians 5:17, Jude 24) and will keep us pure till the wedding day (if He’s called you to it).
-A relationship WILL NEVER fulfill you UNTIL you have one with your MAKER.
-Courtship should be entered upon when one is ready for marriage and the union will lead both parties heavenward and will be a blessing to others as well and when one knows his/her God-given task (ministry) and is fulfilling it.
-As ladies, it is our duty to wait prayerfully. We have no business in asking a guy out etc. and we can only say yes, when our Heavenly Father says yes and our earthly fathers/guardians agree